William Ward
This is my first time blogging. Well, kind of. I've been blogging in my mind for years. When I was younger, I dreamed of being a professional writer. For as long as I can remember, I've been writing, refining, editing, and re-writing all kinds of things in my mind. For the past year or so I've been mentally blogging on my commute.
What changed today that suddenly made me commit pen to paper, er, fingers to keyboard? I have no idea. Maybe it is because someone reminded me that no matter how bad things are, I still deserve time to nurture myself. Maybe it is because I've been reading more blogs lately. Or maybe it is because I want to deal with my life in a more positive manner.
For most of my life, my emotions swung around like a tether ball- up and down, fast and slow, oftentimes getting twisted and tangled. I felt whatever I believed, and I didn't know that I could change what I believed. In 2008, while I was pregnant with my daughter, that all changed. I finally WANTED to feel different and sought tools to make it happen. It hasn't been a perfect journey but I have come a REALLY long way. The quote above, by William Ward, has been a reality check-in for me. When I feel like I have a problem, it helps remind me that it is actually just a situation. That negative "problem" feeling is something I impose on my situation, but it's just a feeling. In reality things aren't so much bad or good, they just are.
In the past few months I have faced an onslaught of changes in my situation. I continued sailing right along, knowing that my lot was not going to be improved by perceiving these changes as crisis. So, even though I had a lot more responsibility to manage, I was making adjustments and plotting my way toward gentler currents.
Then, on Sunday morning, I had an argument with someone I had been trying to extricate from my life. And poof, after so much waiting and wondering how it would eventually happen, it was done. The thorn was out of my side. And then the tears came. And came. And came. It's Tuesday night and they are still coming. Being able to despise that relationship had been like cork, holding all of the negative feelings about everything else at bay. Without the relationship to blame, all of my pent up emotions turned my little sailboat into a sinking ship. Instead of bailing it out and getting back on course, I've abandoned ship and am floating aimlessly on a life raft. Sometimes I try to paddle, but I'm just going in circles.
What do you do when your life gets off balance and you are feeling hopeless and painted in a corner? How do you get back in touch with peace and calm? Does anyone have a compass?
